Saturday, August 1, 2015

649; Allah Will Never Leave Me Alone

So this is my 3rd time writing my 649th post. Previous two posts were quite negative (although I was trying to send some good message) so I deleted it. I somehow do not like the negativities.

Back to the main point.

So last night I was crying so hard, alone in my room. Roomates weren't there. It's okay tho. No big deal coz I hated people seeing me cry. Haha.

I was pretty upset last night.

That evening I attended a talk on professional paper and there's this guy (the penceramah la), he said that UiTM graduates are always downgraded by many companies. Honestly I cried silently in the hall but quickly wiped up those tears (as I mentioned I do not like people seeing me cry).

And there's this friend tweeted something and in the tweet there's a sentence saying "uitm je".

Many friends are preparing to fly soon. So basically I will be in Malaysia for few years more or maybe until forever.

I'm pretty sure all this bad emotions come from my pms but I just couldn't help myself.

I have no one to talk to.

Now here comes the happy part.

So last night I performed my wudhu- crying. I performed Isya' with high hope that Allah will ease this burden and thoughts that had been disturbing my mind. I cried so hard that it took me a few moment before I can recite my al- Fatihah clearly. I even coughed so bad between the Fatihah because my nose was blocked on both sides (hahahah!)

I just couldn't stop thinking about all those irrational problems. Then suddenly some thoughts came across my mind:

"You are such an ungrateful slave."

"Why are you crying because of dunya? When was the last time you cried because of aakhirah?"

Honestly I stopped crying. Wow that was deep. I mean reaaaally deep. I thought surely Allah was the one who sent those thoughts to me.

My breathing then became normal and slowly nose unblocked (hahah)

Things got even better this morning. I felt very positive. 

Un. After subuh prayer, I went to the balcony, looked at the sky and said to myself:

"Allah has better plan. Allah has greater plan."

Deux. Then this tweet came across my timeline and it definitely had soothed my heart.

Trois. And I was randomly watching youtube and there's this video by Talk Islam (if I was not mistaken) saying that:

"Allah will never leave us alone"

I will definitely hold on to that from now on.
Allah will never leave me alone.