Friday, February 19, 2016

955; The Old 'She'

Bismillah.

Every single day nowadays, she got stuck in the so called women's dilemma. Or you can say, the muslimat's dilemma. She kinda hate herself now, coz she couldn't be the old her anymore. 

Her old self who couldn't even see into the eyes of an ajnabi. The way she would hesitate talking to men or even make jokes with them. She demanded her stern voice back when communicating. She wanted her secondary-school-self that was so shy to the thought of men, won't even talk about the person she admired or praise a boy. The way she struggled holding back her loud laughters, the urge to sing her favourite songs in front of men or even limiting the amount of perfume she sprayed every morning. When most of her friends had makeups on their face, she would rather go bare face to the thought of not wanting to attract anyone. Her old way who used to not care people calling her old-fashioned. All she wanted was the old, so-called-lame her. 

All these thoughts, it's suffocating. The thought that now she was being tested with something she once preached. It was never a day that she couldn't think about all these things. She was so disappointed of herself that in her doa, she just had to ask Allah a 'new heart'. A heart that is better at avoiding her doing anything that leads to sins. 

...

Life is always a choice. Now she had to choose;
"Untuk menjadi sebaik- baik perhiasan atau sehina- hina fitnah."

2020

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