Bismillah.
//
Yesterday I took my own sweet time cleaning the whole house from 11.30am till 5.30pm. Transferring spices and flours into tupperwares and labelling them, dusted the house, changed bedsheet, did laundry, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the toilet- ahhh I swear time flew just like that.
I always stress-clean whenever something bothers me but I was denying the 'stress' part for quite some time. I really didnt think I was stressed out or anything. Maybe I was just... distracting myself?
Okay okay, let's be real. As much as I tell people (and myself) 'I'm okay' with having to raya alone this time, it took a lot of effort to really be 'okay'. From cancelled leaves to cancelled flights... But hey, i did it because i stwong girl k.
Funnily last night I cried so bad while listening to the takbir raya up to the point that suddenly I went asking myself, 'dah kenapa pulak sedih sangat sampai macam takkan boleh balik je lepas ni?', and had a very good laugh at myself hahaha. Yeap, imagine the ugly laugh-with-tears-in-my-eyes face. Aaaaa the weird things MCO did to you!
BUT today I was sooo so happy alhamdulillah! Seriously. Very happy that the moment I went back home from raya-ing almost the whole day at IS's house, I've been chanting, 'thank you Allah, I'm sooo happy today. Thank you thank you thank you!'
Bless all these beautiful people who treated me so nicely and made me feel so accepted (although I was the only one who wasnt a part of IS's house). Bless aunty J for the thoughts of giving me her lontong jawa all the way from Bukit Antarabangsa. Bless my family who took time to write an MCO Raya letter for me and the video call with the whole clan. Bless the people who treated me nicely today although I've never met most of them before. Ah bless everyone lah conclusionnya!
My smol heart feels so full because of all these people!🥺❤
//
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| 24 mei 2020, with some retro feels coz i just feel like it. |
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Jelatek
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