1156; My Eyes Area Stung After Writing This

Bismillah.

Warning: very random storyline

My blog posts these days have been sort of emo-ish maybe because I don’t have any other places to rant to. My twidder account was locked and I am not really a fan of Facebook, hence I now just keep every single thing to myself. Intagram’s kinda hard too because you can see who viewed your stories and I’m afraid these people I see will judge me... 

Well not that I don’t have any friends or family to talk to, it’s just that I know they have been through a lot too so I reckon it’s best to not add more burden to their shoulders. 

Talk about friends, I had splendid days in Shah Alam last week thanks to Erna, Hadina, Pie & Megat. As much as I was in awe of them as individuals, I can’t help but be amazed by how this friendship is slowly becoming like a marriage- arguments after arguments but we still come back for each other. Interesting.

Anyway, I had the hardest goodbye last week with the geng that I cried from Shah Alam to Johor. I just don’t know when can I meet them again. As much as I want to be with them without burdening them too much, I couldn’t afford going there too many times too. 

On the same day, I got a news that my uncle was admitted to the ICU. Arrived from Shah Alam during zuhur and after asar terus gerak hospital. People came out from the ward crying and all so I kept having to look at other places to avoid myself from bursting into tears... I told my aunt I couldn’t go in to see him because I was just too sad. Conclusion is, I was a complete mess on that day.

Yesterday I went to the hospital again, and had the courage to go into the ICU to see my uncle. It was just devastating to see him unconscious like that. Cik Lah told me to whisper anything to his ears but all I could do is stand still in front of the bed and cry. Man with this tissue heart, I could never become a doctor or even a nurse.

Semoga Cik Yie mudah sembuh & mudah sedar amin! May good news reach our ears amin!

0008

Kulai

1144;

Bismillah

Rindu the love of my life a bit too much this morning. Can't say this enough but should've hugged you tighter last time :D

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070318
CT2 7UY

1120; One Less Reason To

Bismillah

Missing nenek a little bit too much tonight. All these only-ifs in my head is so tiring.

Terima kasih dan minta maaf untuk semuanya nenek. Kakak Qiha sayang nenek.

1937
301217
CT2 7UY

1117; That One Dream

Bismillah.

I woke up from a dream wishing really hard that it will just be a dream. But few weeks later, that one dream that I prayed really hard to not come true, came true.

I'll long for your soft voice, warm smiles and your goodbye waves at the door everytime I leave. I should've hugged you a bit more tighter when we last met. Kakak Qiha sayang nenek.

Innalillah,
Hajah Saniah Rakiman
1939- 16 November 2017

1102; The Two People Who's Behind It All

Bismillah.

In 1999, my first world problem was to go to the tuition class. At freakin' 3 years old, my parents told me that I kept wanting to go to school, so they enrolled me to an English tuition centre. Boy they thought I'd be going places with such enthusiasm at that age but all I remember was wailing and crying throughout the class. Ibu and Ayah went through a lot trying to drag me from home to inside the class- they'd sometimes stay and wait out of the class until I calm down. It is thanks to them (and my 3-year-old curiosity) that I have proper English language education.

At 5 years old, my biggest struggle is to face my number one kindergarten enemy, a girl who always picks a fight with me. I don't really remember what sparked the fights but I recall Ibu bringing me lots of books to be shared with my friends at school just so I'll make more new friends. Even my enemy pretends to be nice to me just so she can read my books. You can talk to my hand girl.

I remember when I was 11 years old, I told Ayah I had hard times running in the field track because I've been wearing my school shoes to run. I gave him hints that if I have a proper sport shoes, I'd run faster, so he brought me to the town and bought me a brand new black All Stars shoes. It's a trend back then so I was so so proud of just wearing it. I ran with it during the sports day and got 2nd place- from behind. I'm 11 and already sugarcoating my words so well. Honestly I just want a new pair of shoes.

During my boarding school years, I've always thought that I am the 'dumber kid'. Most people who went to my school are geniuses, but not me, so I felt so small to be compared to them. In an examination in 2011, I was ranked 28th out of 29 students in my class thus got kicked out to the lower class. Note that I got 7As and 1B in that examination. Throughout my lowest points, Ibu is the one who'd be there for me, giving me wills and hopes for me to continue achieving my dreams. 5 years and countless phone calls, she could've even easily guessed my problems through the tone of my voice. As for Ayah, my every single problems are solved by giving me money. It worked tho- money does buy you happiness :p

At 21 years old, I had many untold dreams but my parents read it through the pain behind my smiles. They sacrificed their dream life for my future- their early retirement plans and new house dreams. Their time and energy just to feed the family. I can never repay all of that but I promise to make them happy. I'll owe to these two people till forever.

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150817
Kulai

1065; #ripfitness

Bismillah.

I asked abang to be my fitness coach because I wasn't feeling fit enough, so yesterday, we went for a jog at a park. He wanted to make me run 5 rounds straight and, MEMANG TAK LA. One, because I was already almost out of energy after the first round and two, my socks and shoes made my ankle melecet it hurts so bad (Ayah, I need a new pair of running shoes thank you) so after 4 rounds of jogging, walking and few stops to adjusting my loose socks, I gave up. 

That was not the end. 

I was not satisfied of yesterday's so this morning I did a 25-minute cycling, few squats and jumping jacks only to leave my whole body SORE. I have been walking around the house with my legs UNBENDED. Have you ever seen a 9-month-pregnant woman walk? That was literally me right now. I wiki-ed treatment for DOMS only to find out that the muscle strain will naturally soothe itself after like 24 to 72 hours. 

It was a bad decision after all. I should not have skipped my fitness routine (not really a routine) for a month, not controlling my diet and just eating whatever I feel like eating. 

I am so not a sports person. Why do I even sign up for such things. 

1210

07012017 (Eyy nice date!)

Kulai

1064; Menurut Perintah

Bismillah.

Me: Adik, pergi naik atas mandi sekarang.

Adik: Akak, adik dah 16 tahun lah. Jangan suruh- suruh adik lagi boleh tak?

Me: Okay okay. Pergi mandi sekarang.

Adik: /menurut perintah/

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221216
Kulai.

1063; Post Diploma

Bismillah.

It's been so long since I write. Quite've been too overwhelmed in the so called long holiday I have after diploma. I was waiting for this 'boost' to kick in and start writing again so wallaaa.. here I am!

1. These days I don't feel bored staying in the house for days coz I got my baby brothers to kacau2 and manja2 and all. I always know they were annoyed of me but hey, that's what sisters do! The fact that we can meet up only few times in a year, it made our bonds grow stronger. But nowadays they tend to ignore me when I ask them to do things. It's kind of an everyday battle but this big sister aint gonna lose that battle kah kah! My secret weapon... a secret of course.

2. I have to cook almost everyday for my family. I improved guyssss, finalleyhhh. I dont need recipe books anymore and here comes the 'campak campak' skill! Plus, no more 2 hours for a dish hahaha. I can catch up with most types of dishes but ones that requires me to use cili kering... I'm out.

There's a day when I attempted to make asam pedas salmon for dinner, it didn't turn out well. There was something wrong with the taste. I tried adding salt, but then my asam pedas tasted completely salty. When I tried adding sugar, it immediately tasted sweet. Only sweet. You just cant call it 'asam pedas'. I had already gave up on it when suddenly I remembered that I forgot to add ASAM JAWA in it. Goshhhhhhh it wasnt the saltiness or sweetness that's lacking. I just forgot to put the 'ASAM' IN MY 'ASAM PEDAS'. See Faqihah, who says you dont need that recipe book? /cries/

3. I entered the dUCk competition on Instagram! Not a dUCk fan (can't even afford em) but the prizes.. I just had to. As I posted my edits into my Instagram, I wasn't only submitting pictures- I was submitting my resume. Well, you never know where luck lands hehe.

I learnt a lot during the process and was even immersed into it even after few days the contest ended. Haha. I didn't win but at a different perspective, I learnt a lot about Photoshop and Picsart from YouTube and people who had been supporting me all along. Thank you you-know-who-you-are!

4. I am slowly getting used to driving for long hours. Ibu and ayah went to umrah last week so I had to bring back home my baby brother (okay not so baby, he's 16). Johor-Melaka drive is so tiringgg. The fact that I took 2 hours (at 120km/h) only to get to sempadan Johor (from Kulai) is already.. duhh. Nevermind. Thank God abang already finished his school so I dont need to drive to Putrajaya to meet up with him.

5. I try not to wear anything on my face everytime I go outside, eg; malls. When my skin is doing very good (or bad), I just have to challenge my self confidence, especially when my friends weren't around to judge me haha. I skip all my facial routine (toner, moisturizer, powder, lipstick etc) and just walk out of the house like a (pale) diva. My number one inspiration, men! How can men look so normal even without makeups on?! Urgh.

Breakouts are nothing these days. I dont really care having a big pimple at the centre of my face area and just let it treat itself naturally.

No lah, I'm just lazy hahaha.

That's all for now to sum up my post diploma. Assalamualaikum!

131216
2005
Kulai

1061; Cucuk Kepala

Bismillah.

Arham: Kakak kenapa ada pin cucuk atas kepala kakak?

Me: Pin ni, masa nk secure kat tudung, kita kena cucukkan juga dalam kulit kepala kita supaya tudung ni tak bergerak gerak. See! /tries gerakkan tudung ke depan & belakang/

Arham: Dalam kulit? I'm not budak kecik la kak.

Me: Tak percaya ke? Ibu, betulkan akak cakap ni?

Ibu: Haa betullah tu /while playing phone/

BINGO.

1558

1059; Ikan Tamban

Bismillah.

"Lepas kakak siang ikan tu, kelar badannya banyak banyak."

"Banyak mana?"

"Banyak banyak. Sebab ikan ni banyak tulang, bila kita kelar nanti tulangnya patah juga. Senang nak makan dengan tulangnya sekali. Nanti kita goreng garing sikit, sedap buat makan."

#lifelesson

2338

1050; In Denial

Bismillah.

"Akak terkejut tak kalau adik cakap yang adik dah ada girlfriend?"

I think I just heard my heart fell.

It wasn't the first time I heard him having a girlfriend. In fact, maybe countless. But today feels a little bit different. Maybe it was his intonations that made me feel so, and the fact he was talking one-to-one with me.

We siblings rarely meet each other and everytime we do and have talks with each other, the topic becomes more serious everytime.

Now I'm living in denial. No, no way my babies are growing up so fast. Why are they talking to me about love now? Go and talk to someone else but not me. This is heartbreaking. Give me some time to adjust myself to this thing.

Plus, you're not gonna get married until I do, so please.. back off. /blows nail/

2020

1049; Ibu

Bismillah.

Went outing with ibu few weeks ago, took photo of ibu and the photo turned out so beautiful (of course the beauty of the photo comes from ibu) so I decided to make some photoshop edits of the photo. The process was quite easy but very tedious because I had to make every single triangle (large and big) fits in perfectly with the shades and colours. Not a fan of editing but yeah, did it tho.

1256

1043; From Ibu to Kakak

Bismillah.

My dearest dotter,  

This year is your last teen year. Time flies so fast macam baru semalam we welcomed you to our arms. 

You were conceived 5 months after me and Ayah got married. We wanted to have kids later actually- thought of extending our honeymoon and not prepared to have kids yet. 

But fate had its own special way. 

Carrying you for 9 months in my womb was not easy at first. The first trimester was very challenging. 

The morning sickness was bad. I could not eat. I would stare at the food until the ants eventually came and shared my food. Then I would cry because I wanted to eat but I couldn't. 

Later, the pregnancy was a breeze. Even though my weight balloned and I became a walking giant, I was a happy mom-to-be. 

When the D-day came, you were already a week overdue. Ayah took me to a private rumah bersalin (special sikit) but you refused to come out. I was induced twice (it was so painful I developed high fever after that) but you still did not come out. 

Then my water bag broke. The doctor said she couldn't hold me there so she decided to ask Ayah to take me to Hospital Kota Bharu. 

I was whisked into the ambulance and within minutes I was already in front of the labour room. 

Here, I got scolded by the doctors and nurses. Nak beranak pun masih pakai T-shirt lagi (mana nak tau nak beranak tak boleh pakai T-shirt kan)... Tu lah, pergi lagi tempat swasta. Last2 kat hospital juga... macam2. Rasa macam nak sepak je semua. Hello, I nak beranak okay... Lepas tu sign forms and everything, I was pushed into the OT. 

On the OT table, I could hear everything the doctors and nurses were discussing. To cut the long story short... tadaaaa!! You were born! 

I developed high fever again immediately after the operation. It was 40 degree Celcius. 

I guess I lost my mind for a while. I could not remember what happened, where I was, and I asked nenek when did I change my baju. 

Nenek nangis je and suruh ibu mengucap. So ibu cakap dengan nenek if anything happened, please take care of you (cakap Kelantan lah bukan cakap omputeh). 

We have decided on your name for quite sometime. Noorfaqihah is a beautiful name and Qihah would be the name we wanted call you. 

Now, you are already 19 years old. Soon, the teenage years will leave you.  

You must know that life is not always a bed of roses. Along the way, there are trials, tribulations and sacrifices to be made. 

Along the way, you will find love. But always remember, love is something sacred that it should not be given to any ordinary man. Someday, you will find the right one insyaAllah.  

But above all of these, don't forget Allah, read the Quran and make Quran your companion. Always remember to turn to Him when you have problems  and also when you don't have any.  

Ibu and Ayah will not be with you forever. But rest assured that whatever choices you make, whichever path you take and whatever your decision is- we will always support you. 

Thank you for being a kind, wonderful and the best daughter anyone could ever asked for.  

Thank you for being someone who always sees and feels that Allah is watching. 

Last but not least, ibu & ayah doakan kejayaan & kesejahteraan hidup kakak sepanjang hayat. 

Jadilah anak yang solehah dan sentiasa doakan ibu & ayah. Semoga Allah akan temukan kita semua di Jannah insyaAllah. 

Luv,-IBU-5/6/2015.

Freaked out few days ago because I thought I lost this book- the birthday present Ibu gave me last year. I reckon posting it here would be safe (just in case the book went missing again *cries*)

0927 

1032; Salad & Kuasa Cinta

Bismillah.

Ibu: Ni kalau chef tengok salad ni mesti kena marah. Ada ke potong sayur saiznya ada yang kecil dan ada yang besar.

Aku: Bukan akak yang buat la.

Ibu: Oh eh. Habis siapa?

Aku: Ayahlah yang buat.

Ibu: ...

Aku: Haa macam mana sekarang? Ok tak? Cantik ke tidak potongannya?

Ibu: Hehe cantik cantik.

Kuasa cinta.. benda kalau tak cantik pun boleh terus bertukar jadi cantik.

1126

1029; Lots, lots & lots of love

Bismillah.

Woke up at 3am with Cik Lah to prepare you this. Waiting for you to fall asleep by checking your 'last seen' on whatsapp is real struggle haha. 

I hope you loved it, ibu. 

1046

1028; Sweet Surprise

Bismillah.

Ayah came back home thrice yesterday. First was full of questions like "Ayah nak bagi apa ni kat ibu?" & "Huh, ayah tak tahulah nak buat apa". Second time, he came back with a big red bag. Third, with a cake in his hand. Ibu you so lucky!

I need a husband like ayah to do me surprises like this. Requires not much words (maybe money *kidding*) but sweet and lovely. 

1031

1027; Happy Birthday Ibu

Bismillah.

Little birthday feast for ibu yesterday. Simple but full of love.

1014

1016; iPod

Bismillah.

Retrieved my old ipod but with cracked bottom left corner and something like a big dot on the top left (?). NEVER EVER trust your brothers in handling gadgets guys. *cries in the corner of the room*

Dulu sanggup kot guna duit hadiah hadiah PMR beli ipod pakai duit sendiri then dah dapat result SPM ibu ayah bagi phone baru, kita bagi ipod dekat adik abang tapi diorang buat ceni kat kita tsk tsk. Ni masing masing dah ada phone sendiri dia tinggal baby kita kat dalam almari kesakitan ceni. Dasar spoiled kids *piat telinga imaginarily*.

p/s: Song playing in the picture is Ya Sudahlah by Bondan Prakoso (or something like that) guyssss. Lagu zaman jiwang guyssss. Walaupun takde boyfriend guyssss hahaha. Oh mai nostalgia betul. 

2001

1015; Leham Balik Sekolah

Bismillah.

Leham dah balik kita nak main dengan siapa neyyy.

(Leham tu nama whatsapp Arham. Lekat pulok)

0837

1013; KFC

Bismillah.

Dua orang budak belum mandi dan kelaparan beli kfc.

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