1058; Yana, Piqah, Syaleen, Erna

Bismillah.

It was a calm morning in Mayang Selida room 8-17.

I was up earliest as usual. The night before, we arranged our beds side by side so that we can sleep together for the last few nights, so this morning I woke up to the sight of my roommates by my side. Them sleeping was never a big deal before but that morning, it feels slightly different. Emotionally different.

I started counting. Two days. Two days before fate had to set us four apart. After almost two and a half years, now it's only two days left. Time sure flew so fast.

I'll long for us struggling waking each other up for subuh, Yana's signature sneeze in the morning, Piqah's never ending Ayda Jebat alarm and Erna's stretch before going out of bed.

The memories of early morning chaos before going to class will surely make me smile alone in the future especially us reminding each other to wear pants before going out and the way all of us wanted to wear tudung in front of Piqah's locker coz hers got the best lighting ever haha.

I'll miss opening the door after class to seeing Yana still soundly sleeping, Piqah laughing and crying randomly in front of her laptop and Erna, she motivating me to sleep before the next class (and both of us had to skip the class due to oversleeping, duhh).

And ahh yess, our midnight memoriesss. I'll miss waking up at 3am laughing to Piqah and Yana's jokes, hearing you girls rant of hunger, and our late night gossips about whoever. One thing I regret not doing for the past semesters is resting my head on Piqah's back. How come I never knew she was so soft and cuddly?!! /cries/

I stared at them sleeping, slightly chuckled seeing their sleeping poses. Ahh, I'm so gonna miss you girls.

"Yanaa, Piqahh, Ernaa bangun subuhhhh"

I hope you girls miss that too /wink/

xxxx

To Syaleen, I missed you too. Things were surely different without you by our side. All five of us will surely make a great family and sisters together.

1226

1051; You're a Hibiscus.

Bismillah.

I was so hungry.

I only had megi for last night's dinner and a mug of Nestum this morning. Erna's worse- she only had biscuits for dinner. Yeah you dont have to tell us. We women so lazy one to go downstairs to find food haha.

For a person who gets hungry all the time like me, this is a no-no. I. Need. Food. I. Can. Now. Eat. A. Man. Already. So after Zuhur, Erna & I, we rushed to have lunch together. I might be as well too hungry to think so I just put on anything I can grab from the locker.

As I walked out of the door, I glanced over the outfit that I'm wearing... oh gosh. RIP fashion sense. What was I thinking? Green cardigan and red tshirt? I mean, green and red? Together? This is literally an insult to all colour blinds in the world!

Blergh whatever. I've got stomach to be fed right now and this isnt really the time to talk fashion. Plus, I'm never gonna meet anyone I know down there, right? Riiighhtttttt??

Yeah right.

A bunch of guy friends are down there buying their food too. Now I'm embarassed of myself. Luck isnt on my side today. Huhuu. Eventhough no one really cares but... I DO HAVE A PRESTIGIOUS LEVEL TO BE MAINTAINED, NOT TO MENTION MY INSECURITIES!

Fuhh take a deep breath, Faqihah. Think positive. You gotta handle this.

Green and red? That's the colour of nature. Oh wait. You look like a flower. The petals and the leaves... Awwh, a hibiscus!

...

So guys, I went queuing for my food, chanting:

'It's okay. You look like a flower.'

'You're a flower'

'Yes, a flower.'

And I almost thought I've gone crazy.

0110

1042; 5 Secrets to 4 Flat

Bismillah.

These are the tips that I get from those who get 4 flats for every semester.  I mingle with them a lot, so you can trust me if you want to..

Note that we are taking the actuarial science course and it is considered quite a tough one. Pretty sure that you'll say the same about your course.. nonetheless I hope this will help.

1. Pray.

If before this you only pray for yourself in your doa, next time try including everyone else in it. Instead of 'Ya Allah, berikanlah aku 4 flat dan dekan dalam semester ini' , try 'Ya Allah, berikanlah aku dan rakan- rakan seperjuanganku 4 flat dan dekan dalam semester ini'.

Not only for your friends, do pray for your family too! If any of your siblings are taking PMR or SPM (or even the final exam) this year, do make doa for them. It'll mean a lot.

We are hoping for something from our Creator thus the doa must also comes with 'respect'. Do start and end your doa with the selawat, pray with all your heart and the most important, istiqamah. Pray for them (and of course, yourself) as often. After every solat, if possible.

Previously when I say 'include everyone else in your doa', I really mean EVERYONE. If you see someone trying to cross the street on a busy road, make doa for them. If you see motorcycle riders trying to make their way home in heavy rain, make doa for them. The doa goes as easy as 'Ya Allah permudahkanlah urusan beliau'. As easy as that, it wont do any harm! You make doa for random people whom won't even know you, and that's when the magic works.

It's karma as I always tell you. You do good to people, the world will then give the good to you. You pray for other people's success, the malaikat will also pray the same for you.

2. Teach.

I guess this point isn't for me because I don't inherit the 'teacher-genes' from ibu- but it is, for a friend of mine.

She never resist teaching and giving all of her knowledge to anyone who seeks help from her.

Once, she was already in her bed, getting ready to sleep when suddenly a bunch of people went into her room to study with her. She whatsapped a picture of the 'visitors' to me, saying that she was tired and still couldn't have her night sleep. I told her to yawn as loud and as often as possible to make them know that she was really worn out and sleepy. Hahaha. Of course she didn't do it but instead took the 'visitors' with all her heart and taught them well.

I learnt that this is one of her secrets to a 4-flats-for-every-semester. When you teach someone else, you'll understand the topic more. So the more you teach, the more you'll get.

3. Give.

University books make the biggest hole in the pocket. They are quite expensive that some might couldn't afford buying them. Plus the fact that you're gonna use only 5 pages from the 100 paged book that you bought, it sucks.

A person that I know, she sold only one or two of her books in a semester, and the rest of the semesters, she gave all of it to the juniors for free with hope of nothing in return but that it will ease their studies- and she got 4 flats for every semesters.

It's kinda brilliant, you know. Everytime someone gains knowledge from the book, the giver will gain pahala from it. If the book is continuously given for free, from one hand to another hand, just imagine how much pahala you can gain from one book.

If giving books for free feels too much, why not volunteer printing notes for your classmates and pay for them (or at least make them pay only half of the price). Any will do, they work the same way. Ease other person's difficulties, and Allah will ease it for you.

4. Parents.

I am around people who always do good to their parents. I've met most of their mothers and I've seen how good they have been treating their parents. They are the ones who always remind me to call my parents and treat them well.

A friend of mine, she would never betray her mother. If her mother doesn't agree with anything she does, then she won't do it. There were few times where I asked her to go out with me out of Seremban. I know that her mother won't let her go far so I incited her to tell her mother that she will go out with her friends, but not telling her whereabouts. It's not lying tho but still.. She then be firm with her decision to not betray her mother's advice and I have no choice but to respect her and her mother.

Another close friend of mine, she said that her biggest secret to 4 flats is to call her mom everytime she will be having quizzes, tests or exams. I've watched her doing that for few semesters already and I confirm you it works, in shaa Allah.

To conclude this point, Allah's redha comes after your parents'. And the doa of a mother works like magic.

5. Study.

Last but not least, the highlight point is of course, to study. Good things don't come easy. You don't really think you'll get 4 flat if you don't study, dont you..

Note: These are only some tips that I gained/ observed. If it doesn't work with you, do believe that Allah's plans are way bigger than your dreams *wink*

1849

995; Making The Move

Bismillah.

I was studying at the library today when a guy friend approached me all of a sudden. 

He, apparently was attracted to a girl he just met at the library and wanted to approach her. So I spent a little time acting as 'the girl' and had to listen to the lines he wanna tell the girl. If you learn statistics, you call this person a 'dummy'. In this case, Im the dummy. What an angelic dummy. This dummy is supposed to be studying for the next paper but no, she's busy handling someone else's relationship.

Perhaps today wasn't his good day. All of the lines were failures because he was shaking too much while talking hahahahah. The girl must've given him 'that' aura to make him shook like that.  

Then this question blurted out of my mouth, "What if she has a boyfriend?". There was a moment of silence and his face changed, looking so disappointed. I felt uneasy for breaking his heart but regret not, we have final exam few hours ahead and I thought this aint the best time to flirt on anyone. 

It was my first time encountering something like that tho. It's like watching a behind-the-scene of a guy preparing to make a move on a girl. 

This experience somehow made me wonder. 

Is love that hard to be expressed? 

Do people give up on love that easily?

...

Jodoh tak kemanalah. Kalau takde jodoh tu yang tak kemana mana. 

1858

994; Hi, This is Your Nenek in 2016

Bismillah.

(This 994th post was supposed to only be a 'p/s' for the previous post but it turned out to be so long I decided to make another one, lol.)

The previous post, (#993) was so random tho. Just felt like sharing any little things that happened. I love writing out all sorts of things (even nonsenses) coz I thought it might be useful some other time. 

You know.. maybe when I'm 60 (if Allah wills), I could just click on this 'UITM' tag and refresh back all the memories here and smile alone while looking at my iphone 20s. Or maybe my grandchildren would read this and go 'ohh so this is what my nenek did when she's 20' or 'wow did nenek made her first move on atuk?! OH TELL ME YOU DID NOT DO THAT NENEK!'. Hahaha pardon my imaginations.

HOWEVER, if you happen to be my grandchildren scrolling through my blog,

'Hi, this is your nenek saying hi in 2016! Im almost 20, pretty, brilliant, popular and all men drool over me. 

No dear, nenek joked.'

1750

982; Actuary for Ummah

Bismillah.

Cant help but feel tired & sleepy whenever studying and I just don't know why. HAD to bring back the enthusiasm in gaining those knowledge. Aiming a 4.00 may wont help anymore coz I flunked just too many tests  & quizzes this semester. Hence all those tabs..

My journey in this course already started wrong. I was here for the wealth it offers, not the knowledge. Tho regretting is not really a good option now, I guess fixing things up a bit here and a bit there won't hurt.

All I needed was a fresh new start. And spark a little hope in my heart. 

After all those reads, here's a fav to share; 

"Siapa kata matematik/ sains aktuari tak boleh bantu ummah? 

Takaful ini salah satu cara halal yang orang Islam boleh ambil untuk tampung kerugian yang mereka hadapi, untuk ringankan beban & kesusahan mereka. Siapa nak kirakan premium untuk takaful kalau bukan aktuari Muslim, umat Islam sendiri? Bila orang Islam ditimpa musibah, siapa lagi nak bantu mereka kalau bukan kita?"

1801

954; RTABC

Bismillah.

'Road To A Better Career Camp at Kem Bina Negara Ulu Sepri.'

I was determined to at least write a post about this camp before I even went there. About anything that amuses me. Or had opened my eyes. Be it the environment, the people, the activities or even the littlest things, anything. 

So throughout the days in the camp, I was constantly drafting random stories inside my head. Most came to a no conclusion. The camp almost came to an end and there's me with nil ideas.

Then came the last night where my groupmates & I had to rehearse our last performance; a short sketch. It was due at 9pm and we got time to prepare ourselves since after maghrib. By the time we finished our rehearsal, it was already isya'. Few minutes before 9. 

Screw the rule they made during the camp; -500 points for each group if a member is late. 

NOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING IN BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL.

Choose. To run for isya' prayers or to sit in the hall & save our group merits. 

And we ran.

Alhamdulillah, we prayed but shamelessly, at full speed. At my last salam in the prayer, most of them had already worn their tudung, getting ready to rush back to the hall. Whew so fast~

Now it's just me, and a friend. She was still performing her prayer. Upon looking at her, I felt some sort of calmness. The way she performed her prayer, it's as if nothing is bothering her. 

As if the performance could always be done without her. 

As if the deducted points & the scolds from her groupmates will cost her nothing. 

As if there's only her, and her Creator. 

I didn't look at the time. I knew I was already late but I couldn't help but be astonished looking at her. I sat behind her, having myself questioning the prayer I did just now & the priorities I've set in my life. 

I remembered a quote, "Chase akhirah & the dunya will chase you." Now that wasn't something I did, after that quick prayer. 

It was so long since the last time I cried remembering the akhirah. Such an ignorant slave. 

...

So 10 of our groupmates were late that night. The best thing is, we didn't even argue about it because we knew we did the right thing. I'm glad the minus 5000 points was worth it coz at least I earned something big that night- a lesson.

And a story to share. 

#teamsarjanhassan

1847

949; Study = Passion ?

Bismillah.

I found a person whose passion is studying; my Financial Mathematics (FM) lecturer. The first time she said that, it almost sounds weird to the ears. I was like, wait this does not sound right...

Another close friend of mine, she would rather have her night sleep at 7 a.m just to study (note that there's no quiz or test or exam coming). Who. On. Earth. Does. That- it's her. 

I never thought studying could ever be in the 'passion' list. I mean.. go outside to the world, get yourself a non-bookish-related life! Don't lie, no one wants to study for their whole life, like seriously?!

Long story short. 

This evening, I came across this;

Imam As- Syafie dalam kitabnya Al- Majmu' Fi Syarhil Muhazdab menukilkan kepentingan ilmu:

"Menuntut ilmu lebih utama daripada solat sunat. Tidak ada amalan fardu yang lebih utama daripada menuntut ilmu. Sesiapa yang inginkan (kebahagiaan) dunia hendaklah dengan ilmu. Dan sesiapa yang inginkan (kebahagiaan) akhirat hendaklah dengan ilmu." 

Abu Hurairah melaporkan, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w berkata:

"Sesiapa berjalan di suatu jalan untuk mencari ilmu, maka Allah akan memudahkan baginya jalan ke syurga."

(#Sound Direct, Ustaz Abdullah Khairi)

Such typical mindset I have, yes. What a shame. 

Whoever wants happiness in the dunya, it is by knowledge. Whoever wants happiness in the akhirah, it is by knowledge. Whoever seeks for knowledge, Allah ease him the way to Jannah. Subhanallah. 

...

"So why are you here in the classroom? Why are you even studying?", my FM lecturer asked one day.

The class went silent for few seconds before scheme answers popped out of our mouths. Good job, big salary, making parents proud bla bla bla... I bet no one in the class knows their real intentions. Of course, including me.

"First, seek knowledge because of Allah. Then get your other dreams.", she said. Such cliche answer but that's the truth. 

"If you study to get good jobs or big money, later when they don't meet your expectations, you'll get nothing. If you study because of Allah, you'll have to worry nothing.", she added.

I complain about studying as much as most of you do (maybe more). Often ranting about the purpose of life, the course I'm taking & demanding having to work with passion.... the list goes on and on. I guess it's all mindset. Studying or seeking for knowledge couldn't be as bad. Our wills are what matters. 

...

... Sesungguhnya yang takut kepada Allah dalam kalangan hamba- hambaNya adalah para ilmuan... (Surah Fatir ayat 28)

That verse above.. is another whole new topic to ponder alone. 

1920

945; Honesty

Bismillah.

I learnt honesty the hard way; the heart-smashing-to-the-rock way. I once lied about someone so innocent, leaving her looking so bad in the eyes of another. There's no way back fixing the stories (yes, stories). Call me coward, it took me years to admit that I lied. And am still counting years.. 

Not saying that I never lied but, I honestly suck at lying. People notice it right away in my face when I lie so it leaves me with no other choice than being honest or twisting my words (which also turns out bad). 

I've been keeping my keep-it-as-honest-as-possible attitude for long but people kept messing with it. Even in the first semester in UiTM, people lied to me just so many times. Even if it's for jokes, it's heartbreaking every single time. It's like, putting so much trust on someone and they end up toying it. 

Those 'mildly rebellious' things they do in college like taking 'kupon kolej' when they don't attend the event (only UiTM students know) or bringing toasters/ rice cookers to college or only registering one or two 'barang elektrik' when you have so many; I can't do that. Even when no one else knows, I can't even lie to myself. I always thought, "Duduk kolej ni, biar Allah redha." I don't know about you, but this is a very serious matter to me.

I dont care being called 'lurus bendul' coz I know me being me, I trust other people so easily. Even when I could see he/ she is lying, I keep listening to their stories, telling myself, 'He must be telling the truth. Trust him'. Life's always a karma. I don't lie to people with hopes that in future my husband won't cheat on me over another woman, my children won't lie to me about something bad they did or my colleagues won't use me for money. 

As easy as a tongue can speak out a word, it can also hurt as easy. I can still remember being taught in Pendidikan Agama Islam class at school, that 'antara dosa- dosa besar adalah menipu & berbohong'. Yes, the easiest 'dosa besar' that any human could ever do. The one you could do in split second, and the regret may cost a lifetime. 

I just.. couldn't afford another regret.

(As saint as this post might make me look like, it's obviously a lie if I say I never lied.)

0933

-finally a long post at the very last day of 2015-

895; Judge

Bismillah.

People look at another person for a few seconds or minutes and they make assumptions. They see a small nice part of someone's life then they assume his life is sunny & fluffy all the time. They see a small bad part of someone's life then they assume his life is all bad & ruined. 

It's normal- to judge I mean. What's not normal is to believe all the assumptions are true. 

We all judge. I judged- and was badly mistaken. Wounds heal, but I'm afraid they might leave scars. 

2014

881; My Bag of Advices

Bismillah.

Ibu has always been my bag of advices. 

I love going out in car with ibu because whenever we're both alone in the car, there's always advices that she would deliver; her at-school experiences, manners, my future plans, love advices.. simply almost all about what life's about. Whenever she talks, I would just sit back and listen- silently bringing her words to my heart, sometimes jotting it down and then sharing it with friends. At times, ibu would ask my opinions but hers is what I wanna hear.  

As cliche as it might heard, my ibu is always the best. No mom nags for no reason. It's always for our own good. One day when I become a mother, I wanna be an 'ibu' like ibu. 

2007

748; Lauk Kuning

Bismillah.

"Lauk kiah selalu kuning"

(perks of living in negeri sembilan)

(masak lemak everywhere)

1340

630; Baliklah Weh

Bismillah.

Aku tak kisah sangat kena tinggal dengan roomates, tinggal sorang dalam bilik. Hantu dalam bilik ke apa, belakang kira. 

Sebabnya dulu masa sekolah asrama, aku selalu pandang ringan bila kawan2 aku yang tinggal jauh dari sekolah cakap betapa untungnya aku dapat balik setiap minggu, setiap kali cuti. Dulu aku rasa itu satu penghinaan kalau orang tegur macam itu. Aku rasa macam ada maksud tersirat belakang kata kata tu, macam nak cakap, "Tengoklah kami yang duduk jauh ni, lebih berdikari, lebih tough". 

Aku rasa je. 

Kadang aku senyum je. Kadang aku buat tak dengar. Kadang aku diamkan aje. Ada sekali tu aku jawab, "Nasiblah. Siapa suruh pilih sekolah ni." Lepas tu aku terus blah. Terdiam kawan aku tu. Aku betul betul harap sekarang dia dah maafkan aku.

Sekarang, walaupun tak belajar dekat negeri yang sama dengan rumah, johor dengan seremban tidaklah jauh mana pun. Dalam 2 jam setengah perjalanan. Tapi tiket bas & ktm bukan main mahal. Setakat balik kalau ada cuti panjang sikit tu, insyaallah boleh lagi, alhamdulillah.  

Lepas hampir 2 tahun tinggalkan sekolah, ada beberapa kawan aku dah kehilangan orang- orang yang mereka sayang. Ada yang dulu tinggal jauh dari rumah. Tak banyak masa dia boleh habiskan kat rumah. Kalau aku jadi dia, mesti terkilan. 

Bila balik rumah, masa kat rumah tu lah aku gunakan sebaiknya dengan orang2 yang aku sayang. Masa kat rumah tu lah kita nak tolong urut kaki ibu, nak manja manja dengan ayah, cabut uban, masak ke apa apa yang patut. 

Hari tu ada kawan minta pendapat aku sama ada nak balik atau tak minggu itu, tanpa fikir banyak, aku jawab,

"Baliklah weh. Baliklah selagi boleh. Sementara orang2 yang kita sayang masih ada untuk sambut kita kat rumah ni."

Faqihah,

Hari ketiga puasa.